How to Save the Environment

Posted by Harry Tran on 08.19.09 @ 16:42

For some reason I decided to become a connoisseur of environmentalism. I mean, the healthiness of our planet is one of the leading major concerns in the world today. If we dont save our planet, who will? All the earth, fire, wind, water and heart in the world isn't going to produce enough power to make an inexplicably blue super hero fight evil and sterilize Captain Pollution; so its all up to you! I'm going to give you guys and girls a list of things you could change in your lives that are so simple a caveman could do it.

1. Die Another Day
You would be extremely selfish if you thought death was the answer to everything. Can you imagine how much the earth would suffer if you decided to move on into the after life? Not only do we have to dig a giant hole in Mother Earth, we have to hold a giant ceremony to celebrate your passing on; does the word “motorcade" ring any bells? That's at least twenty to thirty cars driving in slow motion releasing all those dangerous greenhouse gasses into the Earth's atmosphere. Not only are the cars in the motorcade causing harm, but you also have the nerve to stop everyone else driving on the streets. By slowing down all these other cars, you're extending the amount of time it takes for them to get to where they're going. You know what that means? It means their cars will be running longer than they need to be. Die? Hah. I'll leave that to the people who don't care about saving our planet (see what i did there?).


2. Toot Your Horn
Speaking of automobiles and the release of greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere, you should buy a semi or a school bus (whichever is more reasonable). How many people work at your office? 50? 100? 150? Can you imagine how much gas you would save if you guys all carpooled? It would be like middle school all over again, except this time you would be the bus driver and you're the one picking everyone up. Not only will you save the environment, you will quickly become the favorite at the office. How's it feel to be Mr. Popular now? Not to mention you would be doing a great service to the country. The truck in the picture is American. are you?

3. Eat, Sleep and Play
If everyone in the world decided not to eat anymore, we would save so much money and so many resources. Lets go through a non-dramatized version of a typical human being's day: you wake up in the morning and pour yourself a box of cereal. Dang that was the last of the cereal and there wasn't even a toy inside. You throw the box in the garbage and head toward the fridge to grab some milk. Wait a minute, where's the milk? You just ran out so you get in your car and drive to the nearest grocery store to buy some milk. Now that you've had your milk and ate breakfast, you get ready for work and drive twenty miles to the office. For lunch, you go to McDonald's buy some Big n' Tasties, throw away the little boxes they come in... well, I'm just gonna stop there. The point of this paragraph is that eating "food" equals "creating lots of garbage and lots of driving" which equals "bad for the environment". My logic is flawless.


4. Its not rocket science... or is it?
With all these landfills and industrialization, we're starting to run out of space to put our garbage. Perhaps we could dump all of our garbage on uninhabited islands like Cuba or something. Nah, here's a much, much better idea: load the garbage onto a huge rocket and launch it into the Sun. think of what we can do with all that extra space: build windmills, hybrid car factories, corn fields and shopping malls. :ets just go ahead and ignore the fact that the cost of launching our garbage into space would be astronomical. Not to mention the ridiculous amount of fuel used to propel the rocket out of the earth's atomosphere.

5. Go Big, or Go Homeless
Do you know how much energy you waste by living in your house/apartment/dorm each day? Well you better find out because it's a lot. We should honor the homeless as society's role models in the crusade for a better environment. These men and women live each day without using air conditioning, lights and running water. If we all sacrificed the unnecessary pleasures in life such as a roof to live under, our world would be in much better condition.

There you have: five great ways to save our Earth. Who needs Captain Planet?


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