5 Girls You Run Into at a Bar

Posted by Harry Tran on 08.19.09 @ 16:33

This article was inspired by its counterpart, "5 Guys You Run Into at the Bar." After visiting a couple more bars and observing their nightly inhabitants, I have come up with five types of girls you will meet at a bar. By the way, "visiting a couple more bars and observing their nightly inhabitants" actually reads, "I haven't been to a bar in weeks and all this writing is from past experience because I'm not as dedicated to observing women as you want me to be." So without further ado, here they are:


1. Jailbait
"Hey whats up?" "Nothing much, where do you go to school?" "Illinois Tech, how about you?" "West High." "Uh, and how old are you again?" Everyone has had this encounter and whether or not you decide to take the night any further with the girl is based on 1) how drunk you are and 2) whether or not you're a pedophile. I'm not going to lie though, sometimes you just can't tell how old they are.

2. She's into you... and him... and your friend... and probably that guy in the corner too
Finally, the gods have smiled upon you and a girl is talking to you. She's good looking, fun to talk to, maybe a little too friendly, but what the hell, we're all drunk, right? What you dont know is that she's slept with half the guys at the bar already and has an appointment with someone else in about 30 minutes, dont let it be you.


3. Gravitational Pull
She has her own gravitational pull, but its not because she's extremely attractive and all the guys flock toward her, its because she is about the size of two Jupiters. On one hand you have to worry about guys coming up and trying to grind on you when you're dancing and on the other, well, lets just keep our distance from Miss Universe because your friends will never let you hear the end of it.

4. Protector of all that is holy
So you're having a good time with one of the cutest girls at the bar. She's cute, easy to talk to, you guys share the same interests, heck, neither of you are drunk and you're both having a good time. nothing could go wrong, right? Wrong. Out of nowhere, as if Jesus had just come out of the womb, her friend whispers in her ear and tells you they're going to the restroom and will be right back. Ten minutes later you find out the cockblocker has succeeded in doing what she had intended, cockblocking.

5. Its whats on the inside
Girls think guys are all about being superficial and going for the hottest woman. Well I have news for you girls; no matter how much you deny it, your initial attraction toward someone is almost always physical. for example, if you see a nerdy dude sitting there with his World of Warcraft book sitting next to a Brad Pitt-esque individual twirling a lighter in his hand, who are you going to approach? Yeah, thats what i thought. Now that youve decided to talk to the attractive guy, you soon discover he was actually twirling a lighter because he just lit a kitten on fire whereas the nerdy guy was reading the World of Warcraft book to teach a 10 year-old cancer patient how to play. Whoops, you picked the wrong guy, didn't you? Going back to the bar, you'll usually run into a girl who is incredibly good-looking, but she's so high and mighty on her throne with a certain snootiness making even the slickest of all chick magnets seem like a loser. Be careful of this girl; she is like the fabled sirens in greek mythology: they will kill you.

At one time or another you will run into all five of the types of girls listed above. Bring your most trusted friends to help you score a phone number without having to encounter any of the aforementioned girls, especially jailbait because you can go to jail. Just kidding. But seriously.


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