Just What the Doctor Ordered: Lebron James

Posted by Harry Tran on 08.19.09 @ 16:24

Everyone in my fraternity calls me Doc, Doctor, Doctor Tran, DT or any variation of the words Doctor and Tran. I really have no idea why since I'm not going to be a doctor in the first place. But on the internet, that doesn't really matter so I'm going to take this opportunity to start a new series of editorials, "Just What the Doctor Ordered" where I prescribe certain medications to well-known individuals. Our first guest of honor is the NBA's poster child: Lebron James.


1. Super HGH
At the ripe age of 24, Lebron James looks like he has been playing in a league for at least 12 years. No, that is not a compliment to a game, but rather, a knock on his appearance. Dude looks like he's 40 years old to Greg Oden's 50. You know that commercial where he plays ten different versions of himself? I cant tell if Grandpa Lebron is actually Lebron or did they add grey hair to make him look older? In addition, he's super athletic and super, well, gigantic. Despite being listed at 6'8'', 250 lbs, 0% body fat, a little more HGH couldn't hurt, right? The bottle says, "For renewed youth and vigor." I know he doesnt need the vigor, but youth? Oh yeah.


2. Refresh Eye Drops
On January 19, 2009, Lebron James and the Cavs squared off against the Los Angeles Lakers in a battle between two of the three best teams in the league. After a gruesome three quarters, the Lakers pulled away for a relatively easy win. The much-hyped matchup between Kobe Bryant and Lebron pretty much fizzled as Kobe and Lebron shot a horrible combined percentage of 37%. Then again, Kobe dislocated his ring finger and was essentially shooting with 3 fingers so maybe he won that battle, but who's to decide such things? There was one critical moment where, for some reason, when the ball gets stolen from James, his eyes start to hurt. As a real doctor, I strongly recommend some eye drops for that injury where one would guess whether or not Trevor Ariza have hit him in the eye?


3. Derbac M
At the dawning of the new year, Lebron James played in a closely knit game against one of the league's premier teams, the Washington Wizards. With his team down by 3 and seconds to spare, Lebron goes in for the game-tying drive but is called for the travel. Asked about the move he attempted to pull off on the critical play, Lebron insists it was a legit move known as kind of a "crab dribble." Now whenever I'm at the gym, I can't stop hearing the words "crab dribble" whenever someone travels. Why did you spread this disease Lebron, why? Well, it appears that no one agrees with the legality of your move. With that, you will be prescribed Derbmac M for crabs.

Thanks for reading the first edition of "Just What the Doctor Ordered." To Lebron, take your medication and call me in the morning. To everyone else, stay tuned for the next famous person's appointment with the doctor.


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