5 Guys You Run Into at the Bar

Posted by Harry Tran on 08.19.09 @ 16:23

Yesterday, I was at McGees Tavern & Grille hanging out with a couple of my friends. Yes, McGees can thank me for the free advertising later. Now I usually go to the bar just to hang out and chat it up with my buddies which gives me the opportunity to observe the scenery. Anyway, at one point during the night we were chillin off to the side and I turn around and look at the dance floor and whisper to one of my friends, "Look at that dude dancing across the floor by himself, I wonder if he notices what he looks like." So there you have it, my inspiration for "5 guys you run into a bar."


1. The Tool
First of all, I'm not a big fan of dress shirts and I dont really like dressing up, but when you go to a bar why would you ever go in just a t-shirt? Oh wait, I know why: because that t-shirt is about two sizes too small and accentuates your giant muscles! Yyes, we know you like to pump the iron and drink protein shakes which make you go to the bathroom ten times a day. By the way, you are ****ting away money when you take more than 2 or 3 of those a day. Our body doesnt know what to do with that much protein and guess where it goes? Yeah thats right, into your toilet. Besides their extremely tight t-shirts, another defining feature of this individual is the faux hawk. I guess the faux hawk isn't so bad when one person has it, but the tool often travels in packs and each person in this group has the same freaking haircut with the same tight shirt on. The last defining feature of the tool is the fake tan. Sometimes they go overboard and you can tell because their skin color is more orange than, well, an orange. My advice for them is to either get a real tan, don't tan at all, or stop tanning when you notice you are turning freaking orange. The tools always take about three hours to get ready to go out to a bar. For all i know they probably stand in front of the mirror and check out each others muscles before going out.

2. The Nerd
The nerd is the guy you see standing in the corner by himself having a lonely beer. Maybe he will muster up some courage after the fourth beer and spend the rest of the night sitting at the bar stool up front (still by himself). Sometimes they go to bars together, but that disqualifies them as nerds because that means they're actually making an attempt to be social; Many people are nerds at heart. The problem with some nerds is that they dont know how to make themselves look less socially inept. I mean, at the ripe age of 21, you would think a person knows how real life works: girls like guys who dont look like they play dungeons and dragons or Magic: the Gathering all day. If you are a nerd, thats okay. Don't change who you are, just change what you look like because thats the way the world works. If you look good (and no, not #1), then you will be more approachable.


3. The Guy No One Wants to Dance With
Its been two hours, you've had about eight drinks and two shots and everyone else is just as drunk as you and dancing all over the place. You're off to the side thinking about dancing but you don't see anyone you could potentially dance with, what do you do? No, you do not dance by yourself. I would rather see you dance with another guy than see you try to make your way across the bar with both your hands up and gyrating your hips while everyone you pass makes a, "What the hell is he doing?" face at you. I understand the need to feel like you're involved with the party, but if you actually saw what you look like when you do this, you would probably never do it again. Sometimes the guy no one wants to dance with finds his way to a couple thats already dancing and somehow forces his way into the dance. Do you understand what you just did? Please look up "cockblocking" at urbandictionary.com.

4. The Overdressed Dude
I have asked many females and the general consensus is a dress shirt and maybe a sweater (if its cold) with jeans will do the job for guys when going out. For some reason, there is always a person who believes this is not enough. I;m not talking about the guy who puts on the bling bling or the crocodile leather shoes. I'm talking about the guy who just looks way out of place because of what hes wearing. For example, everyone in the bar is wearing jeans and a dress shirt and you're the only person wearing a suit. Oops, you failed. Do you not feel awkward when you're the only person looking like James Bond? Another thing I've noticed is that khakis don't really work at bars either. Everytime I see a person in khakis at a bar, its always the guy described in #2. I understand if you got off work late and you want to go out and have a couple of drinks so youre still dressed in business attire. Okay, thats awesome. You want to relieve some stress, good for you. I just want to say its okay to dress up and look nice, but please, for your well-being, consider the awkwardness of being the only guy in a suit at a bar. You could maybe loosen the tie or untuck the shirt to look a little more casual.

5. The Guy Who Had Way Too Much
I've seen this happen one too many times. If the guy who had way too much has way too much, he will make his presence be known whether it involves dancing on the tables or taking of his shirt. One time at was at a bar (oh look, more free advertising) called McFadden's and these two guys were talking to these girls and all of a sudden they started taking their shirts off (let it be known that they were not exactly in shape) and yelling really loud. All I could see were the girls looking at each other with facial expressions that yelled, "Uh, how do we get away from these guys?" So my advice to you heavy drinkers is this: keep your shirts on you creepy bastards.

There you have it, 5 types of guys you run into while you're at a bar. This list does not include every single stereotypical guy you'll meet while out having a drink, but its fun to point these guys out to your friends and be like, "Hey thats guy #2 on Harry's list!" because anything is funny when you're drunk. Oh, and if you're any of the guys in the pictures above, feel free to send me some hate mail.


Comments


You could be the first to comment on this article!


Post Comment

Connect via Facebook to post a comment!

Logged in as: (through Facebook)